PART 19: LUCIE

March 2020, Brisbane

So, I saw a reg’ today. He is a sweetheart. He said before he left that he probably wouldn't be able to see me for a while because finances and stuff like that. And like I understand. I appreciate him saying that. But at the same time, I sort of, I don't keep a track of when I see people who I see semi regularly, like, I just I assume they'll cross my path again. Sometimes I wonder if they don't, but it's more like I hope they’re okay than why hasn't that bastard come to see me?

He's really sweet, but also, sometimes guys don't realise the limitations of their bodies. And I sometimes come out of bookings where they've been hoping that they'd be able to go, you know, go twice. And it's just not always possible. And I do my best to make it happen. But you know, there's only so much I can do. And at some point, you just feel like I haven't. I don't know. It's like I know when to hold back. But the way I see guys treat their bodies sometimes I just think, “fuck, doesn't that hurt? Like? Hasn't that just taken from your overall enjoyment by the fact that you were just thrashing yourself trying to get another one out?”.

I always try and say to guys, like, “If it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen and you can put this experience in you spank bank for later. Like, let's focus on making memories, blah, blah, blah”. But it's just like, I don't know. I learnt and have learnt a lot about the way guys experience their sexuality by being in the sex industry, and it is just…. I mean, aside from the fact that guys have not great attitudes towards women, the attitude they have towards themselves and their own bodies and understanding their own bodies, outside of like, the very base understanding of what their dick can do, is just it's not there. It makes me sad. I meet a lot of people who just experience their sexuality in a really desperate way. And they're always chasing the ending. And I just think you lose out on so much.